The kids and were walking into church a few weeks ago.  Everyone was dressed appropriately, fed and smelled like soap-on-a-rope — including me.  My bride was home sick.

“I don’t know how you do it” chirped the welcome committee.  “I couldn’t do it…that’s a lot of kids.  And without your wife!? Good for you man.  Good for you.” 

Right, but I’m not you and I’ve had 10 years of practice with these same humans.  I would hope that after 10 years of practice I’d be able to steward my kids through the shower, their closets, the pantry and into public places in a respectable manner.  And believe it or not, I am able to function as a qualified adult without my bride. 

I note this with exaggerated sarcasm because it’s a story we hear a lot.  People look at the number of us and compare their experience to ours and measure their relative comfort level in our situation.  This mental math is automatic and not helpful. It doesn’t help the person speaking and it doesn’t help us as parents.  It’s not a complement.  

Life presented itself to my wife and I and we’ve grown into it.  Yes, I have four kids.  Yes, each shares a birthday with another.  I know that.  I was there.  We do it because we do it.  In fact, we like it — and them.  

My wife tells the story of going to the fabric story very early with our first two kids when they were a few months old.  She ordered her fabric cut, noting a mother and daughter staring and clearly whispering about how we had two babies at the same time and how she looks too young to be their mother, so she must be the nanny.  15 minutes later, the same mother and daughter are in line behind my bride and the daughter not-so-silently asked, “Mommy, what’s birth control again?”   Just because you can’t fathom a life with two babies at the same time doesn’t mean my bride is incapable.  Your disbelief is not a complement to her strength.  

We have friends with high-needs children: medically, mentally, developmentally, etc.  I’ve asked them the same question: how do you do it? ‘You just do it.  You find a way. I love my child and figure out how to make it work and now I can’t imagine any other way.’  This is true of high-need children, multiple children, living away from the support of extended family, living with a traveling spouse, two working parents, etc.  Everybody has a story.  Everybody has a challenge.  Everybody has an opportunity to shine.  

Despite the sarcasm, the intent here is encouragement.  You can do it.  My bride can do it.  Our challenges are unique as are yours, yet we wouldn’t change anything.  

…so just say ‘good morning.  Glad you’re here.'