My bride and I recently made a decision.  It was a big one. While the details aren’t necessary, know it was bigger than deciding what to eat for supper.

I felt a sense of relief.  The decision was made.  We could stop worrying and scenario planning.  We could stop gasping each time the phone rang.  That’s what ‘decision’ means; it’s from the Latin "to cut off".  The context from the Latin is ’to bring to a settlement’ as in a dispute.  A ‘decision’ is made by a judge in a courtroom and a ‘decision’ is made when settling between choices.  Decisions have gravity.  They are final.  One you decide on tacos, pizza is no longer a choice (at least until tomorrow).

Once we made our decision, a sense of relief came, as if a weight had been lifted.  Then, as soon as relief came, reality set in.

With all due respect to the 14th Century judicial system, to “decide" feels more like getting started than stopping.  Now that the decision is made, the work begins.  We now pay the cost of our decision and live with its consequences ("con-sequences” or ‘with sequence;’ simply ‘the thing that comes after’).  We start cooking dinner or making car payments or booking travel.  For some, the decision to get a divorce is not to end a marriage, but to begin a complex life of co-parenting.  

As a parent and spouse, I recognize that my decisions affect other people and that at times I do not pay the cost of my ’stopping’.  John Donne notes that ’no man is an island,’ and this is (partly) what he’s speaking to: others pay the cost for our decisions.  My parents decided to move away from their hometown decades ago, leading to a life of road trips to grandmas.  In their own rite, these trips were banal (to the kids at least), neither good nor bad; they became a ritual of the holiday, counting Circle K gas stations along the way.

According to some, we make approximately 35,000 decisions each day.  Clearly, not all decisions require the same energy to decide nor do they carry the same cost, but each has consequence.  That can be overwhelming.  What’s more, we often do not know the cost of our decisions.  I took my son to dinner and it cost us $17.46:  burgers and shakes.  My wife took my other son to dinner and it cost us $2,483.38 ($18.39 for the shrimp tacos and $2464.99 for the ER visit due to unknown food allergies).  My wife and I paid the collective cost for both meals that night and will forever as a favorite taco place is no longer an option. I offer the illustration as simply that: an illustration of known and unknown decisions and costs.

Regardless of the opportunity, there is momentary relief in making a decision because the brain can relax and not spend energy weighing options.  Then the work begins.

Making decisions is easier knowing that my bride and I are making them together; that whether deciding on pizza places or new car colors, we’re in it together. For that, I’m grateful.