Everybody comes from somewhere
A friend of mine graciously suggested that I meet a colleague of his for coffee. His intent was to 'introduce good people.’ That’s it. Nothing magical or sinister. Honest connection of two people with something to share. As C.S. Lewis says, “friendship begins with ‘You too’?” That’s what my friend offered: an opportunity to say ‘you too?’ Our calendars prohibited a timely coffee so we grabbed a phone call and quickly realized that our respective circles intertwined quite a bit. We quickly spoke about a work opportunity and our discussion got quite specific. This topic teased out further circles and very specific details and histories. It became clear that we served similar clients with similar colleagues working for similar companies. We had a shared history and didn’t realize it.
Everybody comes from somewhere. Everyone enters into a story from another one.
I had, wrongly and with great self-centricity if I am honest, assumed that because he was new to me, he was new to the world. I had assumed that I had been the trailblazer, charting new territory at this client, delivering never-before-tried solutions and that no one hence had seen those trails. What my arrogance cost me was an opportunity to say ‘you too?’ Rather than see him (and the shared client) as a mutual connection point, I took my place distant from him.
What my focus really cost me was a chance to connect. See, he entered my story at a point in time and I had assumed that his story started there. I had not considered that he had a story, a background, a set of clients prior that led him to the same place. I missed the opportunity to ask ‘you too.’
As an external consultant, I am often hired for my ‘objectivity’ — the freeness from organizational history and political connection. As such, clients often provide only the bare details, wanting me to find out as much as I can for myself. This, in their thinking, allows me to draw conclusions without personal attachment. While this may be helpful in my professional world, it leaves much to be desired in my personal world.
Connection happens when stories meet. The more I understand about the personal across the table, the more chances for "you too?” The more of a person’s story I know, the greater color and depth I have and the greater the chance of empathy and respect.