Giving the Gift of Receiving

I worked for a crook in college.  I mean, I didn't know he was a crook at the time.  That came later.

 As a graduation gift, he sent me to the haberdasher in town. Barry, my boss, wanted me to have a proper sport coat for interviews.  I didn't know what a haberdasher was, but I went.  I arrived to find out that 'haberdasher' means 'store that sells men's clothes I can't afford'.  I asked for Ken as instructed and told him that Barry sent me.  He chuckled as clearly I wasn't the first person sent in under these directions.  Ken took some measurements and pointed me to a rack.  We rifled through a few coats and picked out a few options under Ken's trained eye.  We picked one out and he marked it up with a special marker and assured me that Mrs. Wong would make it right.  I had to clarify that 'Mrs. Wong' was the seamstress that would be tailoring my coat to fit perfectly and that I would have to return in two weeks later to pick it up.  I shook Ken's hand and glanced at the price tag. 

On Monday, I stopped by Barry's office and thanked him for the gesture and graciously declined the coat.  It was too much.  Unfazed by my response, he replied promptly: 'you know, you're terrible at receiving gifts.  You know the saying 'it's better to give than to receive?'  By declining a gift, you take away the joy that a giver receives in giving.  This jacket is not one-way transaction. You get a coat and I get the opportunity to give it to you.  So say thank you and go see Ken in two-weeks.  It's already done.'

While perhaps brash, Barry was right: gifts are a two-way transaction. One person receives a casserole and the other the chance to serve. 

Years later, a friend presented me with a check (of his own, clean money, for the record) completely unprompted.   I thanked him for the thought and assured him his generosity was unnecessary.  He pushed it back across the table and I took it with humility and gratitude.  In our discussion, he noted how this check was not about me nor was it about him.  Rather, the gift was evidence of a life on purpose enabling a life on purpose.  The check was bigger than both of us and had I refused to accept it, I would have been denying him the opportunity to live his purpose. 

I still have trouble accepting gifts, but do so with gratitude. 

I also chuckle every time I put on my dirty-money jacket; it's the best-fitting coat I own. Thanks Barry.