"I do." 

Simple and complete. 

As a wedding goer, these words signal the transition to cake. As the groom, they signaled an opportunity to kiss my bride in front of our parents.  Oh, and a lifetime of love and dedication. 

During the rehearsal, the officiant skimmed the speeches, highlighting the necessary transitions. 'I'll say things about love, yada, yada, yada, and then there's a song.  After that I'll ask: 'Do you take her in sickness and health…then, I'll ask her the same…'will you commit to…then, I'll ask her the same.'

Wait, two questions?  I thought my only response was 'I do.'  Evidently the look on my face begged for instruction: 'repeat after me. Listen to the question I'm asking and use the same words. When I ask you if you will, respond that you will. When I ask you if you do, respond that you do.  Simple. If you pay attention.' I've been practicing ever since. 

Clear answers are led by clear questions, if answered as questioned. A classic example for illustration: 'what do you want for dinner?  Responses in my home have included:

• What do you want?

• What can you eat?

• What's near here?

• What do you think the kids want?

Rarely does the response include actual food.  All of these answers may be germane at some point, but the question to my bride was 'what do YOU WANT to eat? The challenge is at least two-fold: first, I can't gift you what you want if I don't know what that is.  Your indecision robs me of the joy of gifting.  Second, wandering takes you outside of yourself and decreases your fluency with knowing that you want. An inability to articulate what you want is often a result of not knowing what you want. For some, the muscle of identifying want is too atrophied to articulate it.

As the questions get progressively bigger, so must the muscles that are required to answer them.  

• What do you need for this weekend?

• Do you want to be buried or cremated?

• What does your heart need right now?

Circumstances may not allow you to have what you want, but an inability to articulate what you want all but guarantees you won't get it.

While lawyers and sales people are known to answer the question they think you should have asked, relationships don't work that way. Healthy relationships are built on honesty and trust; in one another and in ourselves. 

Now, what was the question?