Maybe I’m just having bad luck at fast casual restaurants. I stopped in for a fancy sandwich to take back to the office on Wednesday. I paid and left, returning to my spreadsheets. I opened up my side salad prompting a colleague to comment how bad it smelled. Thoughtfully, the restaurant put an expiration date on the bottom of the bowl. Unfortunately, the food in my well-labeled bowl had expired. I got on the website and let them know that my food had expired and threw it out. I was, by most accounts, kind about it. There were no threats (veiled or overt).

Two hours later I received a call from someone unwilling to identify himself, stating that he had received a service alert. I congratulated him and asked what that had to do with me. He resentfully noted that I had alleged him serving me old food. For this discussion, we’ll ignore his atrocious phone etiquette, his resentful tone and his attitude. He can take those up with his boss and therapist.

This morning, I used my mobile app to purchase breakfast from the parking lot of a different restaurant. After standing in the restaurant long enough to warrant concern, the lady started barking commands at me, that I supposed were intended as questions: "name." "order." "mobile." After sheepishly responding so as to not upset my biscuit, she noted:

"Your order didn't go through because of the new process. It's a 437b."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means it didn't work"

"So am I going to get my biscuit?"

"I fixed it"

"So you're saying there's a chance?"

The question I wonder today is two fold: 1) neither error was my fault, although they both became my problem. Why? 2) I don't know (or care) about the service alerts or a 437b.

A glitch in their processes became my problem because it was their problem. I know that I'm a stakeholder in your process, yet your blame is misplaced. I don't know what happened or why.

Neither expressed empathy and both treated me as the problem and wanted me gone as soon as possible. The challenge is that his service alert and her 437b showed up on somebody's report, putting them on the defensive. Both externalized their defensiveness, using technical language, pulling me further away from my sandwich and causing me to feel further alienated.

An honest mistake became an issue because of the language used to address me, an actual human, as an error code. In doing so, they put the onus on me to translate their codes and determine the course of action. This is not a shared language among colleagues like it is for those trained in aviation or police work. Instead, his inability to translate 437b into 'I'm sorry" created problems for both of us.