I unfriended a guy

I did it.  I unfriended a guy.  We’re friends in real life, but not on social media anymore.  He’s not a troll or a stalker (on social media, anyway.  He’s out of state, so I can’t speak to his real life anymore), we’re just not friends online.

Like many, I have public social accounts and private social media accounts.  My public accounts are exactly that — open for the general public to see.  All I ask in return is that you be a decent human. Consume. Ignore. Retweet. Perfect.  

My private accounts are curated for people I know in real life. With each post, I snapshot a reflection or a gratitude, exposing a moment of my heart (even if through a sepia-toned filter). All I ask in return is your undying love and affection.  And money.  

Having received neither affection nor money from my friend, I wondered why he was a ‘follower.’  Real life friendship does require something of us.  It requires that we give of ourselves and take of the other.  

My friend John says that to be his friend, you must be vulnerable.  He’s clear on who his friends are because he sees a lot of people that want something from him.  Folks ask for access to his network, seek his business advice and his counsel on marriage.  These folks offer controlled portions of themselves, proud of their transparency.  But transparency is like the plate glass on the store windows: you can see in but you cannot come in.  My friend John requires vulnerability: open the door and let’s sit together.  He taught me the distinction after showing me how scary true vulnerability can be. He taught me this after showing me how safe friends can be.  

Which is when it hit me: my Instagram friend offered me no part of himself.  He offered his opinion but not his heart.  He wanted to know the status of my children’s athletic feats, but not the hope of their heart.  He wanted to watch me from a distance without knowing me.  

So I unfriended him.  

I’ll still respond to his texts and answer his questions, but to know me is to hold my story with tender care and to be my friend is to offer a part of yours.  So yeah, he can follow the public channels, but the private portions of my heart are reserved for my friends IRL.