Shadowmen and Light
It happened again. Another leader got caught. This time, it was ‘spiritual abuse.’ I’m not really sure what that is and the articles weren’t clear, so I kept digging. I looked it up and consulted with some men I trust. They couldn’t define it either, but they all knew what he did (based on the articles at hand) was wrong (“I know it when I see it,” I guess). But what did he do to warrant an open letter and removal from his organization?
Years ago I worked for a man whose personal history included some really dark seasons. Convicted of crimes he definitely committed, my boss served his time and vowed to do better. He started a nonprofit and hired those with similar histories to drive forklifts and push brooms. I taught them math and they taught me that a ‘cadillac' was a cigarette that you didn’t have to roll yourself. When sober, these men were tremendously hard workers. When sober. But that’s why my boss liked them — he saw in them an opportunity to shine light into a dark corner.
But here’s the tension: my boss was effective with these men because he was familiar with their darkness, yet darkness and light cannot exist at the same time in the same place. Without anchors into light, my boss became more comfortable in the shadows, leveraging his role as boss beyond approving timecards to ascribing value to these men, reminding them that their value was conditional and contingent upon his approval. He spoke the language of the shadows and his influence became manipulation.
Eventually, he ‘influenced’ one too many people and the authorities took away his organization and his right to vote.
The 'spiritual leader' in the article may or may not have a police record. I didn’t check. Regardless, this man became an influencer to thousands through books, podcasts, teachings, etc. I’ve read them. He helps me find the boundaries of what I believe by toeing the lines and tip-toeing back and forth across its borders. But he’s not my teacher or employer and I don’t owe him anything. His knowledge comes from years of searching for a language for his own brokenness and the brokenness of those around him. Coupled with his charisma, this vocabulary becomes powerful and power in the hands of shadowmen is dangerous.
Both men were fluent in the shadows, yet neither anchored their healing in the light. Both did enough of their own healing to leverage their sobriety for good, yet both seemed to stop their own healing, exchanging their continued inner work for influence.
Shadowmen illustrate that:
Healing doesn’t stop.
Entering the darkness to heal another requires anchoring in the light to restore self.
We can only lead people as far as we’ve gone.
Healthy influence is offered by the influenced, not taken by the influencer.