I have control issues. I know this about myself. I have a therapist on retainer and we’re working through it.

When we were first married, my wife and I would go grocery shopping together. It was great. We turned the things we had to do anyway into a date. We talked through everything and planned meals together and shared the logic of why one kind of bread was a better buy than another.

Then we entered a season where she did the grocery shopping. We would agree to a budget and things would get added to the list and off she would go. Inevitably, I would take issue with something she bought and make snarky comments about her brand of pickles. Mind you, she bought everything on the list and stayed under budget, so I had no reason to complain. On the occasion I would pick up a few things from the store, I would passive-aggressively buy what I wanted. Mature, I know.

Then it came to a head: she bought the expensive cheese. I made one snarky comment too many and she was done: ‘It’s his favorite.’

Realizing that my comment was out loud and not just in my head, I asked, “who’s what is what?”

"The cheese. It’s your son’s favorite so let it go.”

Busted.

She gave me a new category in which to understand the cheese. I put the cheese in the category of ‘she knows my point-of-view about the expensive cheese and is intentionally choosing to ignore my perspective and disrespect me’ (which is a more common category than I care to admit).

She upended my narrative and put the cheese in the category of ‘I know my son and want to love him well.’ She chose the cheese knowing I’d whine about it. She was prepared for my response. She loves him enough to buy him the expensive cheese, but the real cost to her was knowing that I would fuss.

God bless that woman.

Love is in the details. My bride knows this. Love knows and is intentional. Love pays the cost for the expensive cheese.