My son came in to our room last night well after his bed time.  In sheepish confession, he told us that he had seen the box in the attic and the bag in the closet and the oddly shaped Amazon package at the front door.  He figured it out.  His noticing became too much.  The information in front of him (the boxes, the cookies and milk, the reindeer ’sparkles’ left in the yard) no longer matched the story in his head (Santa caused it all).  He had to choose: continue with the dissonance or face it. Before he could choose stories (is Santa real or not), he had to choose to face the dissonance. This decision point can be a costly one for a child: if Santa goes away, do the presents? 

My bride, channeling her inner Tolkein whispered, “shh…you’re now the keeper of the Claus." In a moment, they changed.  My bride mourned and my son lifted.  This milestone was as inevitable as his eventual first date and my wife knows it.  “My little boy is growing up” is a hard reality for a mother.  We’d be concerned if he wasn’t growing up and yet each moment is an additional separation, a conscious letting go.  My son, by contrast, lit up.  Suddenly, he’d been invited into the guild of secret keepers.  He became part of the world of the unseen.  He had a new belonging.  And yet, like his mother, he stepped into his new information, clutching a moment:  my wife held my son close while he clutched his favorite puppy and blanket.  

He took off to bed only to return moments later, testing additional theories and seeking clarity for additional data:  was her gift in the big box? Was my gift in the car that time you wouldn’t let us in it?  “Shh…” I whispered.  “Some things are best left to wonder.”  He turned and let a muted giggle, teetering on the line between mystery and knowing.  

More conversations are inevitable.  His mother and I will continue to teeter on the line between mystery and knowing as we introduce him to things best left mysterious.  Some stories won’t be as innocent, but this is the process for a boy: growing from magic to knowing.  And this is the process for a man: growing from knowing to mystery to wonder.  As an advisor reminds me, it takes a long time to grow young.  

I pray that my bride continues to parent in courage.  I pray that my son never loses his sense of wonder.