“I just have to say it,” she offered, unapologetically.  Really?  You just HAVE to? Your entire existence depends on it? What happens if you don’t get the words out?  Will you spontaneously combust?  Should I grab a poncho just in case?  (I recognize sarcasm isn’t polite and only use it here to exaggerate a point-of-view).  

My friend continued to provide her unsolicited opinion on the topic at hand.  Unfortunately, the merit of her contribution went unnoticed due to when and how her observation was delivered. 

The self-generated energy inherent to the group discussion hiccuped as a result her interruption.  It was as if someone had to bang the TV real hard to get the signal to reconnect once she stopped talking.  Unfortunately, she felt so proud of her contribution that she only noticed a self-referential gratefulness.  Everyone else seemed annoyed at the disruption of conversational flow.  

She almost seemed relieved, as if her comment were an itch that had just been scratched.  

“I just have to say it” is…

• Thinly veiled criticism akin offering “no offense” after a diatribe on a person’s hygiene

• self-centering.  Your statement is about your needs, not the group's

• defensive. Ironically, the ‘offense’ is from you own discomfort

To her credit, her intent was to serve.  She sought to contribute to the discussion.  Yet her “contribution" didn’t contribute, it took away. 

Where else are our ‘contributions’ taking away?  What else am I doing with the intent to serve that provides disservice?