Respect is either increasing or decreasing
There are certain ‘-isms’ in my tribe. Over time, a language has emerged where words and phrases mean more than their literal definitions. Shared experiences provide a common vocabulary. Often, there’s a double-meaning to each phrase, noting both the denotation of the phrase and the quite specific, self-referencing connotation to our group of misfits. To outsiders, it can be an entirely different language. To us, it’s rich.
One of our lot notes regularly that ‘respect is either increasing or decreasing…’. Contextually, this turn of phrase is usually a form of appreciation that follows the presentation of a great meal: “My favor on you, good man, has greatly increased due to such a substantial and excellent meal. You shall be commended with celebration. Bring him rings and robes and fetch the good wine from the cellar,” or at least that’s what I hear.
But I got to wondering: what if he’s right (we’ll take the celebration as a given from here out, okay)? What if respect is dynamic?
Respect is to ‘see again.’ If I am always in a posture of ‘re-seeing’ you, then yes, it is dynamic. It should be. If it isn’t, one of us isn’t growing.
John Maxwell, famed leadership sage and author of innumerable books on the topic, is noted to live his life such a way that the closer you get to him, the more you respect him. To be clear, he is articulating a design principle for how he leads his life, not a declaration of his respectableness. What if he’s right? What if the closer you got to him, the more you respect him (which is counter to many public personas).
What if the same were true of any relationship: that once you changed perspectives, respect increased?
What would be required of me to live in such congruence? Integrity: an integrated person that looks the same from every angle.
Is that true of me today? Would my wife give the same answer as my boss?
What would it require of me to constantly have others experience me in a way that increases their respect for me?
I think my friend is right: respect is dynamic and worthy of growing into. Now, where’s the wine...