To find the answer, ask a different question

I had lunch with a sage of a man that has literally written the book on career development and landing a job. Our time together was couched under the umbrella of ‘career discussion’ (mostly for me — he seemed to have his thoughts in place already), but I was hoping for more. I should be careful what I ask for.

This discussion began like many of the others I have of late: a few pleasantries then a discussion about what I was looking for in a job. I’ve noticed, though that people aren’t really asking what I am looking for. Underneath the question, most are looking for a way to help. They’re listening for departments in their own companies to connect me with, buddies with the same title in other companies they could connect me to or a neighbor that already works at the target company willing to have a coffee. I really appreciate it. Their help is quite sincere, even if unproductive. Next steps generally includes an ask to send them job descriptions from an online job board and an offer to connect me to anyone in their LinkedIn network. I gladly accept the help, despite batting .000 with these asks.

The logical fallacy is two-fold.

First, the offer is really based on hoping to make a personal connection that LinkedIn is not. See, the ask of ‘what are you looking for' presumes that I know what I want clearly enough to articulate it in the form of a job description and that it aligns to something already posted online. Frankly, if I found the job description posted, I’d be going after it already. Job hunters are hungry. I’ve also found that the good jobs, the really good ones are either already taken (and are only posted to meet some minimum number of applicants requirement) or they’re just never posted. The job boards are great for searching, but bad for finding.

The second challenge is that the question ‘what are you looking for’ is a self-centered question. This is where Matt challenged me. Over a plate of Pad Thai, he reflected back to me that my speech thus far, despite the practice, was all about me: what I wanted, what I was good at, why anyone would be a fool to pass on me. As if his observation hadn’t landed squarely enough, he continued: “which problems do you solve? Whose pain are you addressing? What market need exists that only you can address?” The Pad Thai got cold. I was defensive because he found a hole in my armor. Then I blamed him: didn't you ask me what I want? Am I not answering the very question you asked? Do you understand how questions and answers work?”

After a sip of my cold Hot Tea, I had to admit that he was right. My energies and focus are on refining my resume again and selling myself to anyone with a pulse. What if, as Matt challenged, I started solving problems for people. What if I volunteered at an organization to do work — actual work? How would my approach to finding a job change?

Matt wasn’t asking for sample job descriptions. He was asking about motivation and perspective. Where was my focus? As long as my focus is on me and my earnestness on getting paid, the discussion (and conversational energy) will be focused on the desperation of matchmaking. By making the outward turn toward the problems I can solve and the people I can serve, my value goes up (and as added bonus, the whining goes down. Admiring the problem doesn’t help anyone).

I’m glad Matt asked me a different question. I’m grateful he listened fully rather than running through his mental rolodex of contacts.

Thanks, Matt. Next time, the eggrolls are on me.