'Tell me your story…you know, the interesting parts not in your resume. How'd you end up here?'

Some form of this question is an opener in most of the interviewing I do. The goal is partly to orient me to the story in front of me, but it's also an opener for the person across the table to share the story they want to share.  We can fill in the gaps from there. 

I began my last interview the same way I've done many times and listened intently for a way to connect yesterday to today in order to qualify our bet on tomorrow.  Her story was linear, logical and incomplete.  While some share what should go to a therapist, the goal is an integrated story and an invitation. 

I had done my homework, calibrating her resume and her story with those that had interviewed her prior, hoping to put together a comprehensive picture.  In doing so, I knew she was leaving out parts of her story -- meaningful details in the journey.  I probed without attacking and again, no details.

So we asked her about it: here's the picture we put together from you, from your references, from our research.  There are parts of the story that didn't come up in discussions.  Can you walk us through your thinking? 

'I didn't think I could trust you with the full story.  I mean, I know you said to share it, but I was scared.'

To be clear, I wasn't asking about her tribal tattoo from Spring Break '08 or about that one project that went to court; I was asking her to be honest -- with me and with herself about the full story.  I don't trust someone without a limp.  I knew hers from the research, but would she be honest about it.

What Susan taught me is that trust isn't trust until it's trusted.  We asked her to be honest and we assured her she was safe, but all of her experience with past organizations seen through the story she was telling herself said we could not be trusted. Assurances become trust when they're acted upon.  Until then, they're platitudes.  Her previous work experience suggested that the workplace isn't trustworthy. Her understanding of what is allowable in an interview suggested that honesty wasn't acceptable.

So we hired her.  We hired her because she was honest with us.  I can't hold her accountable for her previous work environments.  I can bet on her willingness to be honest.  Thanks for trusting us, Susan.