My wife spent some time in the hospital during her pregnancy. Quite a bit of time actually. Mostly, we stared at one another wondering how we got here, what were we supposed to be doing and if this is what parenting was going to be like. Sitting in the hospital for weeks isn’t covered the prenatal classes, but we missed those anyway — we were very natal for a very long time.

The doctors and nurses ran a lot of tests and did a lot of monitoring. We came to learn that ‘monitoring’ means ‘do nothing until there’s something to do.’ It was mind numbing. Except when it wasn’t. Then it was intense, lots of activity, illustrated by nervous looks and beeping machines. The nursing staff pushed a lot of buttons and the nervous beeping subsided as we watched the monitors return to their rhythmic, up and down meter.

My wife and I studied those printouts intently, watching everyone’s heartbeats. We learned the up and down, in and out nature of a heartbeat. It’s meditative, especially when any variation means trouble.

Fast forward a few years and I’m sitting with an advisor telling my story. I recounted highs and lows in an attempt to help him understand my whole narrative. I mapped each event on a timeline (the x-axis) and on a -10 to +10 scale of experience (the y-axis). As I finished, my advisor took a marker and traced the dots. Suddenly, the pattern appeared: life is highs and lows. It’s the rhythm and heartbeat of life.

They go together. In fact, the range with which we feel is correlated. Those that have the deepest lows often feel the highest highest. Those who’s lows are not complemented by highs are depressed and those who’s highs are not complemented by lows are manic. Healthy people have highs and lows. Certainly seasons and moments have more lows than highs and vice versa, but on the whole, life is rhythmic.

Looking at the whole tape, the feet and feet of recorded heartbeat provides perspective. And yet, each moment with the buzzing machines was scary, bringing great relief with the silence. It’s hard to have perspective when you’re scared. It’s hard for me at least. And yet, the long tape is made up of all of those moments. Over time, it appears much more smooth than it is in the moment, but fear does that.

That’s why grandmas don’t read heart monitors. They just know. They’re dialed into the rhythm of life (especially when their daughters and granddaughters are involved). This is why my grandest drama doesn’t faze the well-seasoned. They’ve seen the pattern before. They know what natural rhythms look like. They know that in time, over time the pattern will smooth out. I pray for such wisdom.