I recently found a box of old VHS tapes at my parents' place. I bought a device that plugs into the computer and converts the tapes to DVD. Many of the tapes I found were the equivalent of 1987’s DVR — recorded copies of live television: the football game that Dad missed live and that Christmas cartoon special we were so eager to watch as kids.

Then I found a tape from an event my parents hosted when I was six or seven. The clothes were epic and the music was other-worldly, but I remember being so proud of what they pulled together. I was watching my father do his work. He was good. Really good.

After laughing at the originality of 1987, I began to notice the people. I watched the faces of those milling about and heard familiar voices. Many faces greeted me warmly. I remember their love for my siblings and I. I also saw faces I didn’t recognize. I had to dig deep to piece it back together. And then I heard voices that made my skin crawl. My body remembered before my mind did. It all came back, settling into a feeling more than a vision. I recognized him. And then I remembered why I had chosen to forget him. He hurt me. He hurt my family. I don’t want to remember him.

We choose our memories. There is growing evidence that suggests our memories are not at all like the ‘mental video tapes’ we once thought they were. Rather, our memories are malleable, shifting with time as we sift through our emotions and experiences. This is why psychotherapy works: when done well, we’re able to reframe events and articulate the events in a new way. This is not to suggest that I can create my own memory (assuming that I have some level of mental health). What it does suggest is that some parts of our past are painful. Life is hard at times. Our minds often work to protect us, pushing these events to the back, but our bodies have a longer memory. My skin crawling is evidence of this. The stories of pain are deeper and harder to forget.

Which memories are you choosing to forget? Run from? Suppress? Which memories will your emotions not let your mind forget? Which memories are you running toward?