A local pastor I know is catching a lot of grief lately. Much of his teaching is being taken out of context and many are accusing him of heresy. The challenge is this: he's standing in front of a room full of people each Sunday (with many more online), providing proofs to an argument that no one else is aware of. His proofs stand in contrast to his critics, not his attendees. He's in a conversation with someone not in the room.

We're always in conversation.

Sometimes it’s with our past selves.

Sometimes it’s with our hurt selves.

Sometimes it’s with our fears.

Sometimes it’s with our future selves.

Sometimes it’s with long passed fathers and mothers.

Sometimes it’s with our critics.

I had a team member once that kept harping on a particular topic that I'd long since given her permission to explore. She later shared that her last boss wouldn't ever let her do it. She was in a conversation with her last boss, not me.

Who is listening in to my conversations? Who is watching me having this conversation with myself? Are they lost? Are they confused? Do they thing you’re talking to them when you’re really talking to someone else?

How many times do we lecture our children in an effort to right the wrongs of our own childhood? How many times do we snap at our wives because she's picking on the same issue our mothers once lectured us on?

This is why it's important to stand in one another's stories -- it helps us understand the voices to which they’re responding. Knowing my buddy's story helps me understand why he's responding to his boss the way he is -- he has unfinished business with his father and his unwitting boss is bearing the brunt of this hurt.

The gift we give others is to enter into their story, not drag them into our own.