Grace is expensive

Bryan Stevenson at the Equal Justice Initiative notes in Just Mercy that 'each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.' This is deeply true, even if we don't act like it. 

My friends at TrueFace note that grace becomes real when the worst of us is known and we're love more, not less because of it.  This is deeply true, even if we don't feel it.

But what happens in reality?  These statements are universally true, but what about when they're specifically tried?

Years ago, I found myself inserted into a story I didn’t want to be in.  I knew a man and knew the woman he was with wasn't his wife.  His worst.  I could choose: look away or lean in.  We chose to lean in -- my wife and I -- into their story -- he and his wife. Over time and through much pain, they too chose to lean in and their marriage has been reconciled.  Grace.

So where do we go now?  I've seen the worst of him.  He knows it.  I know it.  We can't unknow it. 

To him, I represent a moment in time -- a really dark season and one that he's trying to grow through and out of, which he should.  And yet, to him, I represent the worst of him, creating a visceral reminder that he's been seen, no matter how much I offer my hand in grace.  

If he'd hear me, I'd tell him I'm proud of him.  He made some big mistakes and did the work to heal his heart and his marriage. He did the right thing. I believe we did the right thing and yet every time I see him at the grocery store he actively goes the other direction because he's been seen and can't be unseen.  

So here we are.  When universal truths become specific, they get messy.  We did the right thing, but it cost us friendship.  This wasn't some random guy; this was a friend.  He did the right thing by leaning into his marriage even if he had lean away from our relationship.  My bride and I have cried at the loss of our friends, yet are sincerely grateful that they continue to lean in to one another. 

But here's the truth: grace always costs somebody something. God's grace to my friend cost me my friend. God's grace to me cost Him His Son. This is the story of the Cross: Relationship. Distance. Grace. Cost. Relationship.

Grace is beautiful and its beauty is directly correlated to the level of 'worst' in each of us. Lean in.  Grace is worth it.  You are worthy of it.