The impact of absence

This week’s status meeting was awesome.  Okay, maybe not awesome, but certainly less terrible than usual. Even Carol offered a joke.  We laughed at her joke and with her in her new found confidence.  

Headed to lunch, Jack and I were the only ones in the elevator after the meeting and I noted my sentiment about the ‘gee, that didn’t suck’ nature of today’s meeting.  “Of course,” he commented.  “Bill was't there today.”  Bingo. Oh, Bill.  A face only a mother could love and an attitude only Legal can defend (and they have).

So I wondered: what is the meeting is like when I’m out?  It is more pleasant than when I’m there?  Is it less productive? Do people cheer or cry?  

Of course I can’t really know. I guess I could ask, but I can’t really know.  Knowing the effect I have on a room is the social psychology equivalent of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle  (at least how I understand it. There are some really big words)— the very act of observation changes behavior.  (The Hawthorne effect demonstrates a version of this rule in organizations).  As part of a group, our very presence changes the nature of the group.  The effect and impact is due to a number of factors and yet I can’t understand how the group differs without me present.  

I have a relationship with Frank and so does Scott.  There’s a side of Frank that only Scott can bring out.  I used to see this with my buddies in college.  They were true guys, honest and full of integrity with an integrated persona.  Yet their girlfriends brought out a softer side of them — a side that opened doors and put underwear in the drawer.  They weren’t putting on a show for us or her.  Rather, their softness was dormant until she arrived.  Her presence changed him and we were witness to it and the world is better for it. 

What effect do I have on people? How does my dinner table at home change when I’m out with clients? How does the family holiday change when it’s our year at the in-laws?

What does my presence bring?  Are meetings more productive? Are dinners more pleasant? Are fireside chats funnier?  

Is my presence net positive or net negative? Does the effect of my presence differ at work than at home?  

What effect do I want to have on people? I can’t not have an effect, so what do I want people to feel around me?