If only I knew how hard it would be, I wouldn’t have done it

Obviously. There’s something to be said for the energy provided by not knowing better. I’m not suggesting that we move through the world blindly or foolishly, but if we knew, really knew, how hard things it would be, I doubt we’d do it.

Ask any entrepreneur that has made her business into something sustainable and you’ll hear themes along the lines of ‘we didn’t know better. We just did it’. Most marriages that last will tell you the same thing as do most parents who have raised children. Our youthful innocence provides the energy to overcome challenges. Then we get tired and old and jaded and things aren’t as possible anymore. It’s a shame really.

But that doesn’t mean we should not start the business or not get married or not have kids. It’s all romantic until the first contract is cancelled or you haven’t slept more than 3 hours at a time in 6 weeks. There’s nothing sexy about that. It’s hard. But hard and worthwhile are not the same thing. Hard things have value. Hard things make us more valuable if we stick with them.

I talk to a lot of parents that seem to be sinking with the responsibilities of parenting. The responsibility can be overwhelming. I also talk to parents of special needs children and it’s an entirely different ball game. ‘Hard’ is taken to a whole new level. I want to be careful not to compare who has it harder as that’s a fool’s errand. That’s not the point. The point is ‘hard’ is hard. Do it anyway. My experience suggests that the parents that survive ‘difficult kids’ are better parents. This is true whether the challenge is behavioral, psychological, physical or developmental. Parents that double-down on loving these kids are good parents. I don’t know many that would have signed up for it, but most wouldn’t have it any other way.

Look, life is hard. It’s a fact of history. It’s also fantastic. Lean into the hard things. There’s good stuff there.